Hi, Momma! Are you feeling frustrated with yourself because you're frustrated with your kids today again? I can totally relate! I don't know why it is so hard to be patient. Do I always want to yell at my kids? No, I don't. Is yelling the right response? I say sometimes... yes! But does it actually work? "Stop screaming" as I'm screaming to them is totally contradicting, right?
Top "Impatient triggers" for moms (In no particular order)
Constant fighting. I didn't know that I was signing up to be a professional UFC referee when I became a mom. 5 minutes after telling my kids to stop fighting, what do they do, they fight again. My 5 year old girl and 4 year old boy are best buddies but they are also the worst enemies. One hour they are laughing and hugging each other and then the other hour is spent on arguing and pinching. "He hit me first!" "No! She hit me first!" Now, how to judge this? I do not know.
When 50 markers or crayons are always on the floor. I can't function when the house is a mess. Though I've gotten better at letting go and just allowing kids to have great fun, I still would like the house to somewhat look decent on some hours during the day. I'm thankful that my kids do great at cleaning up but for some reason the markers, oh the markers are always on the floor. I pick them up, put them on the case and somehow 15 minutes later they are all over the floor again.
When they don't want to do their homework. You both had been staring at the homework for an hour and somehow he/she is still on problem #4. You've explained for the 10th time what they have to do and still they are not getting it. You don't want to do the homework for them so for the 11th time you're explaining that the lowercase b is not the same as d.
When you've told them a gazillion time to put their shoes on. Now, it's too late and they will just have to put their shoes on in the car. The video explains it all.
I know that the list of triggers are endless. Focusing on the list will make any mom feel hopeless, ashamed and overwhelmed. Being in this state of mind and emotion everyday can take a toll on us in so many ways emotionally, physically, mentally, relationally and spiritually. We don't want to be the impatient and angry mom everyday. Kids will be kids. They will be curious and will explore. They will make a mess and they will push buttons. They will fight with their siblings and they will need a lot of help with their homework. So, moms, how can we deal with these daily frustrations without completely loosing it?
Here are some of the things I've learned personally and how I've seen some of my mom friends handle it:
- Have grace on yourself. Yes, momma, on some days especially when we have our periods, our stress level go way up. We do and will have moments when we can no longer be patient and will have to angrily yell at our kids again. How we feel about how our day is going is legit. It is overwhelming and tiring most of the time. I use to feel so guilty and ashamed every time I felt angry at my kids or angry at how the day is going. I remember complaining to God about how the day was going and how the kids were driving me crazy. I was asking for forgiveness for how I'v responded and promised to be better next time. To my surprise, I felt that God was comforting me and saying that how I feel is legit. It is ok to be overwhelmed and angry at a situation. God understood my anger and frustration. He did not say to forget how I feel and move on but he understood! As moms we can still feel hurt, we can still be impatient, we can still feel anger and these feelings are not to be buried down as if they are not real. Have grace on yourself. Most of the time, we do have good reasons to be going crazy.
- Ask God for help. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, PATIENCE, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, GENTLENESS and SELF CONTROL." Galatians 5:22-23. I'm always reminded of this verse every time I'm dealing with guilt for being impatient. Because most of the time, I really do feel that I don't have it in me to be patient, gentle and have self control. I don't have it! I can't do it and I really don't. That is why this verse is important to remember. We need God's Spirit in us to be patient, gentle and have self control. God knows we can't respond lovingly all the time to adventurous kids who loves to explore on everything. That is why he sent his Holy Spirit to help us. I do believe that the only way I could live patiently is with the help of the Holy Spirit. Why? I've tried! I've tried so hard! I've been a mom for 10 years and I've tried in my own strength to be patient and I've failed miserably. My challenge for you is to read Galatians 5 and learn about how we can and should walk in step with God's Spirit.
- Ask to be forgiven by the kids. What???!!! Ask for their forgiveness? Are you kidding me? This is something both my husband and I do every time we know we've yelled a little louder than we should have or said stuff we really didn't mean. It takes a lot of humbling to ask for a 2 year old's forgiveness but it does something to our heart and theirs. You know when you've responded hurtfully. You know it in your heart and you feel guilty about it. So, ask for forgiveness, say you are sorry for responding the way you did. Forgiveness is a powerful thing even with kids no matter how young they are. It allows God's love to remove the anger and exchange it with love and joy. My kids have learned to ask for our forgiveness when they know they've hurt our feelings, mostly me. Even my 4 year old son is quick to ask for my forgiveness for not listening before bed time. This is what we say to them, "Can you please forgive me for yelling a little too much today" and they respond back, "I forgive you mommy." And this is what they tell me when they know they've made me crazy, "Mommy, I'm sorry I didn't listen today" and I respond, " I forgive you." This is like a bedtime routine for us. We make sure that at the end of the day we love and will forgive each other no matter who's at fault. Powerful!
- Ask the kids to pray for you. When the day looks like a yelling session, something needs to happen. Somebody needs help and mostly it is us moms. Our kids will not stop their exploring mode and ask Jesus to help them to be obedient in the middle of the day on their own. So who needs help again? US. Something I do to make my kids aware that we all need help is ask for their prayer. This is what this conversation looks like, "Levi, could you please pray for mommy right now. Ask Jesus to help me be patient today and be more loving." Levi or any kid who I ask to pray will do it lovingly because they like the idea of being loved instead of being yelled at. This really helps my heart and it helps theirs. As they pray for me, they are realizing that they need to do something as well to not make mommy get too crazy. Somehow, their prayer and mine gets answered in an instant, well not all the time but most the time:)
- Coffee or tea. As most of you know, coffee or any of your favorite drink helps:) So, go ahead, pour yourself your 5th cup of coffee:) Give yourself a treat and reward yourself for being there for your kids no matter what.
- Take a break. If the day is harder than usual, which we all have and experience probably 2-3 times a week, take a break. Allow yourself to be "away"(in the other room) from the kids and do something that will relax you. If you have to, put a show on for the kids. So that you could pour yourself another coffee and read a magazine.
What about you? What are your "impatient triggers" and how do you deal with it?
Here are some books that might help:) (Affiliate)